So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
