No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
