so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
