You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I will pee on everything he values.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
