DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
