Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
