i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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