one word: firstdatebathroomanal
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you didnt know i had herpes?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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