You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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