If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
