I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
