Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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