The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
