I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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