That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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