Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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