im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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