so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i think i have two assholes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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