It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
