this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
