Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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