My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
