the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
