Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it glows. i had to have it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
