Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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