i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
