I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
