He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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