Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
