Say something about gay babies.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
