people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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