I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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