3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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