just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
