how can u be prego again
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
