Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
