I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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