Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
