Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
