You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
