I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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