chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
