idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
