dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
