i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
