I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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