I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
