I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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