Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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