Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
