I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
