You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
