So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
