My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
