you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
