she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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