A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
