1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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