I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
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Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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