I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
