Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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