I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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