Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
