A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
