see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
