Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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