She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
