I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
