Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
