He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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