I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
