Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
