I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
