I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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