i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
