i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
