I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
