Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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